Dream Job: Crazy Bird Lady.

As the start of the new school year looms on the horizon, I mentally brace myself for the upcoming challenge. Sometimes – though not often – I seriously wish I could go work in something other than music. Sure, I love it. I love playing viola. But I love it a lot less at the end of a seven-hour orchestral rehearsal, with three hours of practise and essays looming and a 8am start the next day.

I have had many thoughts about work as I finish up my university degree (I should be long finished by now, but transferring to an overseas school set me back). Since I love lists so much, I decided to make one for jobs I wish I were doing, and why they’re not for me. Y’know, just to remind myself why I’m a musician.

Ornithologist (the study of birds). This isn’t anything I’ve ever seriously considered, but I like birds, and would enjoy studying them in-depth – especially wild parrots. Zoology, too, was always one of my interests growing up. I am, however, mathematically challenged, and soon came to realise that a degree in ornithology was probably going to consist of a lot of measuring and maths and dissecting dead things. (I love hyperbole.)

I could do this.

Veterinarian (specifically equine or avian). I think all that needs to be said is maths. Also, euthanasia. As soon as I needed to put an animal down, I’d be reduced to hysterics and unable to measure out the correct amount of lethal injection… uh, not that I could do it anyway. As a child, I dreamt of being a vet and saving cute, cuddly pets’ lives. Then I witnessed a failed animal surgery on the telly and decided I wanted to be a ballerina.

Ballerina. My child self didn’t factor in dancing.

Architect and interior designer. Maths. Do you notice a reoccurring theme? There’s nothing I love more than designing houses down to the last tiny detail, but if it actually came down to a degree, the maths would be the thing to end me. I love beautiful buildings – I watch those home channel shows (Grand Designs, anyone?) like a complete addict. I also play the Sims solely for the house design.

Lawyer. I like words, playing with words, and being specific with words. I also kind of like law. And money. I do not, however, enjoy standing and speaking in front of people.

Animal trainer. I’m quite good with animals, and ideally would choose a profession that involves them. I have experience, too, with training, but somehow I don’t see it as a career – and so it gets crossed off my list.

Baker. I’m hopeless at cooking and baking. …But I like cake! And I actually do like baking, it just rarely turns out well.

Doctor. Okay, yes, I just like the idea of the money and have no interest at all in the medical profession – mainly because maths I’m a bit squeamish.


What I’ve actually chosen:

Author/musician/artist. I’m a decent writer. Well, I can type out a sentence pretty quickly, anyway, hack my way through a Bach sonata, and take photos that have most of the subject in the frame. (Yes, hyperbole again.) Let’s be honest, though, these aren’t really good jobs either. Why? MONEY. Or lack thereof.

Why am I not good at science-y things that will bring me fame and wealth?

Maybe I’ll just quit everything, open an avian rescue, and be the crazy bird lady (which friends and acquaintances alike already think I am). If I could just convince someone to pay me to do this, I’d be set.

Mishka fully supports this plan because it means more time out of cage.

What do you think?

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